When Plan 'B' is actually Plan 'F'

It never ceases to amaze me at exactly how blindingly ignorant management are when it comes to a Disaster Recovery Plan.

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine, who I’ll call Sam, who told me this story. It’s so good that I’ve transcribed the conversation as it was described to me. I pity the poor shareholders in this ASX listed company.

CEO: So we need a Disaster Recovery Plan.

Sam: Great. That’s a good idea.

CEO: How are you going to do it?

Sam: (confused) Why do I have to do it?

CEO: Well if this place burned down what would happen to our data?

Sam: It would be fine. The data is backed up to tape as well as hard drives. The hard drives are in a room that has a four hour fire rating and tapes are taken off site daily.

CEO: Excellent. So we’re fine.

Sam was really confused at this stage.

Sam: What about the rest of the business?

CEO: What do you mean the rest of the business? You’ve got backups what more do you need?

Taking a deep breath…

Sam: Well lets assume that the place burns down.

CEO: Okay.

Sam: So what happens the next morning?

CEO: You restore our data from the backups and we’re back up and working again.

Sam: Uh-Huh. How?

CEO: Well you know. You just restore the data. You know, all that technological stuff.

Sam: Okay, what do we restore to?

CEO: Computers.

Sam: What computers? The place burned down.

CEO: You know you can just go to a local store and pick up a few computers so we can get working again.

Sam: What about the phones?

CEO: We’ll redirect them.

Sam: To where?

CEO: Mobiles.

Sam: What about the staff? Where do they go?

CEO: They come to work.

Sam: Yeah, but that’s just burned down, so what do they do when they get here?

CEO: Uhhhh…we’ll give them mobiles.

Sam: And where are we going to get the mobiles from?

CEO: Our telco.

Sam: So 50 staff show up for work at the burnt out wreck of the building and I’m supposed to have 50 mobile phones ready to issue to them?

CEO: That’s right and with their computers they’ll be able to work.

Sam: That’d be the computers we just bought from Harvey Norman, right?

CEO: Yep.

Sam: And where do they use their computers?

CEO: Don’t you think you’re being a bit negative about this. You should be giving me solutions to all these things you’re bringing up! You’re not being a team player.

Sam: So lets just assume for a second that the staff show up and the computers are here, they all need to be setup, installed, configured and have the data restored to them. They phones need to have SIM cards and be activated and then we need to redirect each phone to the correct new mobile service.

CEO: See. That’s the spirit. Now you’re getting it.

Sam: But the building has burned down and there’s no power and nowhere to work and set up the computers and activating 50 new phones is going to take a while as well.

CEO: See. Now you’re not being a team player again. You’ve got to find a positive outcome.

Sam: Positive outcome!? The place is a pile of ashes, I’m surrounded by 50 computers and the software they need to run, 50 mobile phones that I need to activate, there’s no power and nowhere to work!

CEO: We have faith in your ability to deliver on all of this.

Sam: But what about our business system? It doesn’t run on a computer I can get from Harvey Norman.

CEO: We have continuity of business insurance, just buy what you need.

Sam: It may take a while to get it ready to go.

CEO: That’s okay. Just so long as we can collect money we can use it as an excuse to delay paying everyone we owe money to.

Sam: Oh. Okay. So long as you’ve got a plan.

CEO: Well I do, but I’m not so sure about you and your team. You should work on it some more and address the shortfalls I’ve identified but the rest of the business has a plan.

Sam walked out of the office shaking his head, certain that the business was on a course that mirrored the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

Ballmer Disses Andoird

So Steve Ballmer thinks that Android is cheap and complex.

Lets cast our minds back a few years when Ballmer gave us his opinion on the iPhone.

So now Ballmer is telling us that Android is no good. Based on his other prognostications I guess that Android’s going to go like gangbusters at the expense of Microsoft.

I seem to remember Ballmer telling us that the Kin - remember that one? - was going to set the world alight. By the time of its merciful death it is rumoured to have sold less than 10000 units. What was left are supposed to have been buried in an unmarked mass grave somewhere.

Then there was the rumoured Zune phone, that Ballmer dismissed as impossible and against the company’s mobile product philosophy.

Its starting to look like you could do worse than betting against Monkey Boy and his tech pronouncements.

How Confident are HP's Board of their Decisions?

I guess they’re not.

It seems that they’ve hired Goldman Sachs to help defend against ‘activist’ shareholders.

Activist shareholders!?

You mean the guys that actually own the company and hire the Board to run the company in an intelligent and farsighted manner? You mean the guys that own the shares that want to see the board increase the shareholder value?

Oh. Okay.

Just so we’re clear because it sounds a lot like protecting your ass because that loud noise the board is hearing is the sound of pissed off investors who don’t necessarily see the genius in your strategy and would like to fire your collective asses.

The HP Soap Opera Continues

I saw a couple of comments from Meg Whitman on the weekend.

Oh…are HP shareholders so screwed. They are going to elevate ankle grabbing to an art form.

She was quoted as saying

“I have run a large company -- not obviously as large as HP, but I have run a very large company,” she said. “While I don’t have years of experience in an enterprise business, I bought a lot of software. I was one of the largest enterprise customers in Silicon Valley.”

One genius at Deutsche Bank responded with “That’s like saying, I’ve bought an iPhone so I can run Apple”.

I can’t say I disagree with him and I’m sure a whole lot of HP stock holders aren’t too far behind given quotes like the one above.

I hope the board of HP has started the hunt for their next temporary appointment to the role of HP CEO.

Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEO - its iMargeddon

It was always going to happen.

Jobs was never going to stay as CEO forever.

The fact that he resigned the way he did was smart, and good for Apple.

Despite what all the ADHD afflicted Wall Street wunderkinder think, dumping shares and claiming doom and gloom because their spreadsheet models say so, this isn’t as big a problem as everyone thinks.

1. Jobs is a long term thinker. He knew this day was coming and has been busy preparing.
2. While the common view of Apple is that its a company built on one tent pole, and that tent pole is Steve Jobs - there’s more to the company that just him.
3. Jobs brilliance lies in the fact that he can look at technology and distill it down to something that is accessible to the “I just want it to work” crowd.
4. I’m willing to bet money that he’s been explaining this rationale to everyone in his inner circle.
5. Apple’s product line for the next 2 years are already in the pipeline.
6. Apple’s engineering mules for the next 4 years of possible products are in the pipeline.

It’ll be good for column inches to say that Apple is screwed. Everyone said that the day Bill Gates resigned Microsoft was screwed.

Different situation. Gates resigned after the rot had set in and handed the reigns over to Monkey Boy. Vista was already in the works before Bill resigned, he just left the big steaming pile for Ballmer to deal with.

This time Jobs, appears, to be leaving with Apple going from strength to strength.

1. The iPhone 5 due ‘real soon now’.
2. The Mac grabbing market share like Ballmer grabs futile acquisitions.
3. A very successful patent war being fought against Samsung. The timing on this is interesting too.

The real reason I know Apple is in good stead - 5 year olds.

The other day I was in one of those Home Maker Super Centres.

The 5 year olds wanted to play with iPads and Macs. I mean all of them. They weren’t lining up top play with Windows 7 laptops or someone else’s tablet.

Want to know what tech trend to follow look at what floats the boat of a 5 year old.

I don’t really think iMargeddon is here - but if you do I’ll offer you a couple of bucks for your Apple shares.